pecosbill

Reading random journals is depressing. It reminds me of how I felt when I was young; angry most of the time, hating the dominant culture, finding peace nowhere. Wanting to go somewhere, anywhere but where I was. Seeing no future. I guess it's just the way things are for us humans. This disaffected youth syndrome has been going on since there were youths to be disaffected. So all I can say to all you disaffected youths is, take heart. No matter what you do, short of sucide, time will march on and you will grow as you experience more and more of what life has to offer. Amazingly, you will become the dominant culture, you will become parents with disaffected children(possibly, but that's a whole other story). This life that you hate so much will become your refuge. You will cling to it with all your strength. You will love your children with a love so strong that you will fall in love with love itself. Or you may not, depending in large part on whether or not you become involved with addictive substances. They will put you into a hell on earth. That may be where you feel most comfortable of course.
Then there is God, the creator, the clouds of unknowing or whatever you call it/him/her. Simply by choosing to believe and then by praying you will find that inner peace so longed for and yet so difficult to achieve. Actually you never achieve it. It is given to you. You must be willing to accept it to have it. It is not easy to surrender your almighty self to one unseen. But faith is both a gift and an act of will. If you decide you have had it with life as you know it, try choosing to believe, then pray to who you believe in and see what happens. Then report back to me. I'll be waiting.