dark ages

At bedtime prayers with my son tonight we were somehow talking about the dark ages. He asked me about them and I had to admit that I didn't know much about them other than that civilization as it was known declined into disorganization and chaos. I decided to do a little research. It turns out that the barbarians had a lot to do with the fall of the Roman empire. The Vikings, the Visigoths, the Magyars invaded. A lot of the learning that had been developed was lost. I got to thinking about the Minnesota Vikings and about the young people in my son's junior high school today called "goths". When we name a team or group of people after bloosthirsty barbarians, we've pretty much lost the shock appeal that the real thing held. I got to thinking about shocking, bloodthirsty groups today that will someday be corporate or cultural icons. How about the Al Qaeda Rebels, The Shining Path All-Stars, The Aryan Athletics, The Hamas Hellions. I'm ordering my official jacket and cap today. They will be collector's items some day for sure.

gig

She is only 7 years old. She was clapping along to the songs I was playing and seemed to be having a great time. She told me that she had just turned 7 the other day. I asked her if anybody had sung happy birthday to her, she said no, so I led everyone in a rousing rendition for her. She seemed pleased. I was glad. She is a resident of the institution because she has been repeatedly raped by family members, is psychologically scarred and needs help to start recovering. She is only one of so many at this place with similar stories. Another little girl was holding her ears when I began the gig because she wanted to go home and didn't want to be sitting in some room away from her family. Soon she was no longer holding her ears, but was smiling and talking to me telling me her name and age and asking for songs that I had never heard of. There is a cycle of energy that takes place between a performer and the audience. Both come away changed and you always hope changed for the better. Today I came away changed for the better for sure.

shuffling off this mortal coil

It hasn't happened to me in a couple of years, that sudden awareness of my own mortality. I remember waking up one morning and really experiencing for the first time the reality of the finitude of my life. I felt as if I were straddling that line between existence and non-existence, and I could see across the line very clearly. I became acutely aware of everything my senses were taking in knowing that all of it would actually end for me. Up to that point, death had always been that unwanted guest lurking in the corner. The one you can't ask to leave because that would require acknowledging his presence. But this time death took center stage and I had to look. It sent a jolt through my body that I remember to this day.I teach religious education to 9-12 year old kids. In their classroom hanging on the wall above the blackboard in a place of great prominence is the figure of a man who has been tortured to death. I explain to them that the death mechanism in crucifixion is suffocation. The body hangs down so that the lungs start to collapse. The survival instinct compels the victim to push up against the pain of the nails in the hands and feet in an effort to breathe. Eventually the pain of that effort is too great and the victim gives up and suffocates to death.The unwanted guest in the corner of the classroom doesn't get acknowledged and the full impact of the lesson waits for another time.

abuse

Next Saturday I will be playing songs for very young children (5-10 year olds) at an institution that cares for abused kids. These kids are there because they are mentally and in some cases, physically scarred from their ordeals. We're talking physical and sexual abuse of 5 year olds!! What kind of sickness allows a person to do that to an innocent child? It is just heartbreaking. I figured that maybe I can provide a little happiness in their lives. There is such evil in the world! What can a musician do but play and pray. If anyone wants to help me, just pray that I reach one or more of these kids and that their lives are made a little better for a short while and that the "little better" becomes a "lot better" over time. And if you are stuck in some negative life currents yourself, I'll offer my music and prayers for you too. I hope it helps.

CCD

I just lost a large post on the subject of the sacrament of Reconciliation. I can't believe it! I switched to rich text after I had written the post. I did not copy it first. I am bummed.
Anyway, tomorrow I am teaching my class about the sacrament of Reconciliation, or Penance or Confession. I love teaching about this because it is a subject very close to my heart. I am a veteran sinner. I am constantly asking God to forgive me. I am human. When I am feeling down and troubled and spiritually weak and vulnerable, it is because I have sinned. At those times I find it terribly hard to resist the temptation to letguilt pull me into a downward spiral. I feel unworthy, unlovable and unloved and sometimes respond by acting in the ways that led me to sin in the first place! Some call it a sickness, I call it sin.
But I am blessed to have a remedy in the sacrament of Reconciliation. I go tell my sins to a priest and so also to God. Through the actions of the priest God cleanses my sins from my soul. I feel a huge weight lifted from my shoulders.
The God I believe in, Jesus, is the master forgiver. As he was being nailed to a cross for his perfection in the midst of imperfection, with a crown of thorns pushed into his head, with crowds of sinners mocking him, beating him, whipping him, he asked God his Father to forgive those who were persecuting him. This is a God I am glad to believe in. When I realize that "he died for our sins" means that my sins are in those nails and thorns and whips and pain, I am completely humbled.I don't dare let my guilt lead me further into sin.I rejoice that there is an answer to the pain of existence.